Not to beat a dead horse…

…but this story is so absurd. You have to read this to believe it. I’m not sure Bradley Manning has officially changed his name to Chelsea or not, but does anyone at CBS realize that changing your name does not change your gender? Chelsea Manning is a man! That’s it.  There is nothing ambiguous about it. To pretend otherwise makes them look absolutely foolish.

I will assume Bradley has officially changed his name to Chelsea and refer to him as such, but what if Chelsea were to escape from captivity and CBS ran a story about that? According to their own reporting practices it would read something like this:

"Fort Leavenworth authorities are searching for an inmate who escaped on Wednesday. At about 11:45 a.m., Chelsea Elizabeth Manning escaped by walking away from an inmate work crew assigned to the field squad.

"Manning is a white female who is 5’2”, 140 lbs with short, dirty-blonde hair.  Anyone who sees this fugitive should immediately contact Fort Leavenworth officials."

How would that ever lead someone to this person?

This is really mind-boggling to me.  I guess in the minds of the people in charge at CBS, this person is black.

CBS is ridiculous

One day after being sentenced to 35 years in prison for the release of massive amounts of classified information, Bradley Manning has decided that he wants to become a woman. And that’s exactly the way it should be reported.  Despite What CBS would like to tell you, Bradley Manning is actually a man.

As I read this story I couldn’t help but notice something really strange. Somewhere between the time that I read the opening sentence…

“One day after being sentenced for leaking a large amount of classified documents to an anti-secrecy website, Army Pfc. Bradley Manning announced he intends to live the remainder of his life as “Chelsea Manning,” a woman, and begin hormone therapy as soon as possible.”

…and the time I got to the fourth paragraph…

“Manning is also requesting the public now refer to her by her new name and as a woman. She says she looks forward to receiving letters from supporters and intends to write back.”

…Manning’s gender had miraculously changed!  Just like that, in mere seconds. No hormones. No surgery.  Nothing.

I’m sure CBS thinks it is doing the right thing by immediately accepting this convicted criminal’s wishes, but if all it takes to become a woman is to declare that your new name is Chelsea, then why is there a need for hormones? According to CBS, Manning is already a woman. So I suppose they think he should be housed with female inmates for the next 35 years.

Wait a second…

This Manning fellow is a genius! And our media outlets are morons.

Prince has a sense of humor

Prince has released a new single and it has some of the best cover art ever! In a surprising demonstration of self-awareness, he went with a shot of Dave Chappelle's classic impersonation of him from The Chappelle Show's segment, "Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories."

This is pure genius.  I hope that others will follow Prince's lead and use famous impersonations for their own future releases.  Some suggestions:

These People Lead our Country

Senator Brian Schatz (D, Hawaii): did you have carnal relations with that sheep?
“…most distasteful in view of the fact that the sheep was under 18 years old.”

By: Moe Lane (Diary)  |  August 8th, 2013 at 05:01 PM  |  49

No, I never thought that I’d have the opportunity to write that out, either.  But apparently this is the world that we live in, now:

Hawaii senator Brian Schatz involved in simulated sheep rape rituals

U.S. Senator Brian Schatz once led a fraternity that got into trouble with the law and animal welfare groups for threatening to sodomize a sheep.

One of the fraternity brothers involved in the incident claimed at the time that no actual sheep were sodomized in said ritual; and in truth I will be willing enough to accept a denial on Senator Brian Schatz’s (D, Hawaii) part. An explicit denial. As in, While I admit that there was in fact an official investigation along these lines, I have in fact never in my life [expletive deleted]ed a sheep.

And then we can all put this unfortunate incident behind us.

Moe Lane (crosspost)

PS: As near as I can tell: yes, Senator Brian Schatz (D, Hawaii) would have participated in a ritual where he would have had to decide whether joining his fraternity was worth [expletive deleted]ing a sheep.

PPS I’m sorry! This HAPPPENED! I can’t not write about this! I’m only flesh and blood!

PPPS: The subtitle is, of course, a classical reference.