Liam Neeson needs to be the next Colonel Sanders

I think we can all agree that this needs to happen. Until it does, we will just have to settle for this.

Science: the inexact science

I can believe this shark is old:

It appears that its skin is beginning to decay while it is still alive. This article explains that the shark’s age was determined by assigning one year to every centimeter of the shark’s length. It then amazingly claims that the shark is 512 years old, while the headline proclaims it was “born before Shakespeare”! That is an astounding revelation and makes the mind really begin to think about all of the things that have occurred throughout history while this creature floated around the oceans. That all come to a screeching halt when reading this sentence:

Experts used its length - a staggering 18ft - and radiocarbon dating to determine its age as between 272 and 512 years old, according to a study in journal Science.

This goes from being an amazing story to not much of a story at all. That’s essentially claiming to have discovered a 170-year-old human, only to later admit that the person may only be 90 (which used to happen to Strom Thurmond quite often). I wonder if such imprecise measurements could be used in other professions. 

Track & Field Judge:

“The runner for Kenya has set a new world record in the 1-mile run with a time of 2 minutes and 48 seconds, but the time might have actually been 4:02.”

Police Chief:

“The suspect is between 4’2” and 6’11” with either long or short hair between the ages of 25 and 62, and is either black or white.”

Pilot:

“Today’s flight from New York to France will be approximately 3 hours.”

Everything is racist

Including cereal boxes. According to this story in USA Today, someone got mad at the racial insensitivity of a Corn Pops cereal box.

What struck Saladin Ahmed was that a single brown corn pop was working as a janitor operating a floor waxer. Ahmed, current writer of Marvel Comics' Black Bolt series and author of 2012 fantasy novel Throne of the Crescent Moon, took to Twitter Tuesday to ask, "Why is literally the only brown corn pop on the whole cereal box the janitor? this is teaching kids racism."

Ahmed is right. Here that Corn Pop is:

Hard to argue with that. And when you look at the entire box, that janitor is indeed the darkest one.

But what, exactly, is wrong with being a janitor? And the more I look at that box, he appears to be the only one who has a job and is being a productive citizen in the entire Corn Pop world. Is there really something bad about that? Would it really have been better if he had been one of the Pops dropping things from the top deck, vandalizing kiosks, or just generally causing a ruckus? Apparently, someone showing up to work and performing their job admirably among chaos has now become something to be ashamed of.

Pancakes

Several news outlets reported on a sorority girl who died following a pancake eating competition. It was reported that she choked to death, though the descriptions of the incident said that she collapsed and began shaking. That doesn't really sound like choking to death. Nor does the fact that she died three days later. But the most shocking thing regarding this story was that the Toronto Sun decided to run it this way:

That picture is completely unnecessary, insensitive and borderline offensive. We all know what pancakes are. That looks like an advertisement for pancakes. A very effective advertisement. Also, nearly every one of the stories decided after reporting her death to focus on the fact that her father died in 9/11. Is that relevant? Why not just go with this story?

Game 7

The Cleveland Cavaliers won the NBA title. Steve Kerr responds:

Not Your Job

Nobody should know or care how media members feel about a speech.  Report what was said in the speech and let your readers/listeners/viewers decide if they are "horrified" by it or not. Why is this so hard?

Liar

"I opted for convenience to use my personal email account which was allowed by the State Department because I thought it would be easier to carry just one device for my work and for my personal emails instead of two," Clinton said.

In 2010 when it was suggested that she might want to move to a secure email: “Let’s get a separate address or device”.

Transgression

Making widespread accommodations for transgendered people is ludicrous. These are people that need mental help. Every time there is a mass shooting, there is an outcry about how we don’t do enough for the mentally ill in this country.  So, why is it ok to ignore the obvious mental health red flags of someone who thinks they are something they are not?

2.6% of the adult population is considered to be bipolar. There are many medications designed to treat this disorder, and most people would consider it irresponsible to go untreated.  Even rarer are those diagnosed as schizophrenic, at 1.1%. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), Schizophrenia is a “chronic and severe mental disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality.” Symptoms include: delusions and thought disorders (unusual or dysfunctional ways of thinking). Sound familiar?

So, while schizophrenia is a rare disorder, it is still nearly 4x more common than a transgendered individual.  Only 0.3% of the population is considered to be transgender. Instead of accepting this as a perfectly normal way of life, why not treat it for what it appears to be: a form of schizophrenia?

The acceptance of transgender identification is yet another example of providing little help for the mentally ill. Just because someone is not violent, doesn’t mean that they don’t need help. Placing a sign on a bathroom and welcoming them in does little to treat the underlying disorder.  There continues to be a stigma associated with mental health diagnosis/treatment.  Until we get past that, we will continue to be inundated with idiotic decisions like forcing children into a restroom or locker room with other children of the opposite sex.

Treatment is the key. The current plan appears to be worse than pretending that there is no problem at all. Embracing it as something normal would not be acceptable for someone who thinks they are a historical figure or that their neighbors are controlling their movements through magnetic waves, so why is it accepted for those with gender identity disorders?

NIMH offers this advice:

Here are some things you can do to help your loved one:

·         Get them treatment and encourage them to stay in treatment

·         Remember that their beliefs or hallucinations seem very real to them

·         Tell them that you acknowledge that everyone has the right to see things their own way

·         Be respectful, supportive, and kind without tolerating dangerous or inappropriate behavior

·         Check to see if there are any support groups in your area

That is what they recommend for schizophrenics. It appears appropriate for other situations, as well.

Trump v. Women .... Really?

According to Donald Trump, if abortions are banned, there needs to be "some form of punishment" for women who still have them.

That statement really set off a firestorm.  But what is so controversial about it? What other law in this country doesn't have some sort of punishment associated with it? You know.. besides entering the country illegally.

If alcohol were banned, there would be a punishment associated with possessing it. If green shirts were banned, there would be an associated punishment.  Without the punishment, there is no ban.

This is a completely fabricated controversy.



P.S.
I have really missed the boat on this election cycle during the past year.

Wage Inequality… A Civil Rights Issue?

Patricia Arquette accepted her Oscar Sunday night by calling for equal pay for women and claiming it is a civil rights issue.

We’ve all seen the studies that say women earn less than men, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it is the result of sexism. If you were to look further into the issue than just the raw dollar figures, you could probably find an explanation for the disparity other than a general “women are worth less than men” attitude from those doing the hiring.

For example (and these numbers are strictly hypothetical), you could take an actual job title like CEO and say that women CEOs earn only 70% as much as their male counterparts.  But if you get into the numbers, it may be that only 10% of the CEO positions in the country are held by women. And let’s say that the top 5 companies’ CEO positions were held by men. Often the bonuses they receive for company performance far exceeds their base salary. So even if a woman worked for a company with the highest percentage bonus payout and she had a higher base salary, she would still not be making as much as her male counterpart because the company simply doesn’t earn as much revenue as the others. In that scenario, the woman would still show up in a study as earning less money than a man for doing the same job even though the hiring entity gave her a higher salary and bonus percentage. Even if the bottom 5 paying CEO jobs were held by men, the average is still going to work in their favor. So the studies are true in a way, but it’s not necessarily a civil rights issue where women are being oppressed.  I’ll admit that I haven’t done the research, so I don’t know what the real reasons are, but I’m just pointing out that there could be very logical explanations for the differences other than overt sexism.

And now for some actual numbers. Looking at the highest paid models reveals that the top 20 earners are all female, with the top spot earning $47 million and #20 earning $3 million a year. The highest paid male model earns $1.5 million a year.  So, there's that.

I don’t really expect Patricia Arquette to be bothered to think about any of this, though.  And to be honest, she should get a lifetime pass based on True Romance alone.

Still, I have to say to her…

WX

Patrick Crawford, a TV meteorologist at KCEN-TV, was shot multiple times during an altercation Wednesday in the Central Texas TV station's parking lot.

The Texas Department of Public Safety says the shooting occurred around 9:15 a.m. outside the rural studio on Interstate 35 near Bruceville-Eddy, 75 miles north of Austin. No motive has been determined and it is unclear if the shooter has any ties to the station.

The shooter, described as a white male in his 30s, fled the scene and police have not yet determined a possible motive. However, the most likely cause of the encounter was that the assailant ruined a new suede jacket after wearing it on a day that there was not supposed to be any rain.

What does Maybe mean?

In Sep­tember, Cal­i­for­nia be­came the first state to en­act a “yes means yes” law man­dat­ing that stu­dents ask their part­ners for “af­fir­ma­tive, conscious and vol­un­tary agree­ment to en­gage in sexual ac­tiv­ity.” That agreement, the law notes, is “on­go­ing through­out a sex­ual ac­tiv­ity and can be re­voked at any time.”

In response to this news, the Phi Delta Theta chapter at Texas Tech Uni­ver­sity dis­play­ed a ban­ner that said “No Means Yes, Yes Means Anal” for which they were suspended, according to the Wall Street Journal. That’s right… that was actually printed in the Journal. That is not something I expect to read while having a light breakfast in the morning. They obviously realized it was the only thing in that story actually worth reading.

That agreement, the law notes, is “on­go­ing through­out a sex­ual ac­tiv­ity and can be re­voked at any time.”

While that seems absurd, if it gets revoked in the middle of the act, you're obviously doing it wrong.

And this law raises some other questions. What if right as you were about to ‘finish’ she revokes? Pull out? Could she legally defeat you in court? That could be a dirty court hearing. A real sticky situation. Couldn't you claim that you thought she was saying "know"?

This law sounds like a way to turn potential rapists into likely murderers. Don’t the people who wrote this law know that once the train gets going, it can't just be stopped on a whim?

If No really meant No, there would be no such thing as safe words. Case closed. That law is unconstitutional.

Election Day

Why does the Green party even exist? Am I really expected to  support a candidate if they can’t put any more effort into their campaign than this?

That is the official campaign website. The page was created on February 20^th and there has not been a single update since then. And when they created the page, they provided no information about their candidate. The entire campaign appears to be 5 pictures (though that one of him picking up a turtle makes a strong case).

I would wish Brandon Parmer good luck, but I am starting to question whether he even knows he is a candidate for governor of Texas.

Flesh Burger

Using testimonial information from various cannibal sources, a London chef has developed a hamburger that tastes like human flesh. Meanwhile, McDonald’s has been serving a hamburger that tastes like human spit for years.

Political smells

A new study claims that liberals and conservatives smell differently and people are subconsciously attracted to the smells of people with similar political beliefs. Obviously, this study wasn't necessary as we all know that one group smells like scotch and cigars while the other smells like patchouli and B.O. And you know this is true because I don't have to identify which is which.

NFL gets it wrong... again

During Sunday’s post-game press conference, Redskins QB RGIII could be wearing his shirt inside out. The shirt read “Know Jesus, Know Peace,” though the message was apparently not the reason for turning the shirt inside out. It was actually because the shirt was not made by Nike.

Apparently nobody realized that even inside out, the shirt was still not made by Nike.

Terrorists Be Trainin'

Terrorists train constantly. And they are so proud of their training that they like to promote themselves doing it.

Photos don't identify people?

A Pomeranian in Chicago escaped through the backyard and into an alley where it was grabbed by a stranger and ushered away before the dog’s owner could catch up. A short time later the abductor contacted the owner demanding $250 for the dog. The caller even threatened to shoot the owner if she got anyone else involve. Fortunately, the dog's owner did contact police, who helped her get the dog back.

"I just thank God I got my puppy back. When you have a puppy for a long time, a puppy is just like your kid," the dog's owner, a 66-year-old woman who asked that she not be identified, told DNAinfo Chicago.

Accompanying the quote of the owner who wished to remain anonymous:

Sharknado 2 has arrived!

In what is probably the most anticipated sequel since The Hangover Part II, Sharknado 2 is here!  And if it’s half as good as that turd, it will still be twice as good as the original Sharknado (see my original review here).

But let’s not forget what we’re watching here. You can’t go into this expecting The Godfather II. Heck, you can’t even go into this expecting Gremlins 2. Because despite appearing to have absolutely nothing in common, those two movies do share one trait: they were sequels to legitimately good movies. Sharknado 2 is a sequel to a piece of crap.  But what’s endearing about Sharknado was that it knew it was a piece of crap.  Why was it embraced more than other Syfy fare like the equally ridiculous Ghost Shark or Piranhaconda (the sequel to Sharktopus, in case you were wondering)?  Better special effects? More intriguing title?  The superior starpower of Ian Ziering and Tara Reid?  Who knows. Likely the result of a perfect storm (pun intended) involving all of those elements. 

I can’t say I remember much about the original other than it involved sharks swimming through streets and houses and any other place you would normally not see a shark. I do remember Ian Ziering chainsawing himself and another girl to safety from the stomach of a flying shark.

Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as I remember.

So Sharknado 2 begins with Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) on a commercial airliner. The plane gets hit by a shark (I guess this is technically a sharkicane) which knocks an engine off, which then tears a hole in the side of the plane. People are flying out of this gaping hole and the plane is very unstable as evidenced by the extremely shaky cameras, yet Tara Reid’s hair barely moves.  In true Sharknado fashion, the cavernous hole allows sharks into an area where sharks normally shouldn’t be. A few people lose their heads and Tara Reid gets her hand bitten off, making it the second most mutilated part of her body. Fin, the surfing bartender from the original movie, is somehow able to land this huge plane with one engine missing and a giant hole in the side. Somehow, I doubt that's the most ludicrous thing I'm going to see here. Probably the most unbelievable thing in this whole monstrosity is that a character played by Tara Reid wrote a book.

Since at this point in time all storms are apparently assumed to be full of sharks, Fin decides he has to go rescue his splintered family from a Mets game before the river floods and the entire city is overrun with sharks. So, once he gets them out of there, they all head for the most obvious place to steer clear of overflowing rivers and streets filling with water... the subway! A few more people are eaten (one of them inexplicably by an alligator) and suddenly this has become more about spotting the cameos than it is about surviving flying sharks, or whatever I thought it was going to be about. 

A few of the wildly miscast cameos to this point:

Punk rock flight attendant= Kelly Osbourne

Cracked out hippie cop= Andy Dick

Creepy Surgeon= Billy Mays Cyrus (what was with that shoe polished beard?) 

As Sharknado tries to relive some of the familial melodrama that existed in the first movie, there is a scene on the subway reminiscent of the first onscreen pairing of Pacino and DeNiro in Heat. Ian Ziering and Mark McGrath flex some serious acting chops as they ride a subway and discuss dating sisters or something as the threat of sharks raining down on them gives the situation an ominous vibe. Chilling stuff. Speaking of which, wasn’t it just snowing?  Where did all of that go?

In one of the more plausible cameos, Biz Markie shows up as a pizza cook. And Al Roker and Matt Lauer are in this movie more than anyone. It actually feels like I'm watching the Today show and they are occasionally showing Sharknado 2 clips. I mean, I've seen them talk about more stupid things than sharknadoes on the Today show. In fact, any day's Today show would be a worse way to spend two hours than this.

And if instead of taking a shot for every person eaten by a shark, you take one for every cameo, you can get quite drunk.

Jessie Ventura is a prick....


.....now I will be sued for defamation.