WX

Patrick Crawford, a TV meteorologist at KCEN-TV, was shot multiple times during an altercation Wednesday in the Central Texas TV station's parking lot.

The Texas Department of Public Safety says the shooting occurred around 9:15 a.m. outside the rural studio on Interstate 35 near Bruceville-Eddy, 75 miles north of Austin. No motive has been determined and it is unclear if the shooter has any ties to the station.

The shooter, described as a white male in his 30s, fled the scene and police have not yet determined a possible motive. However, the most likely cause of the encounter was that the assailant ruined a new suede jacket after wearing it on a day that there was not supposed to be any rain.

What does Maybe mean?

In Sep­tember, Cal­i­for­nia be­came the first state to en­act a “yes means yes” law man­dat­ing that stu­dents ask their part­ners for “af­fir­ma­tive, conscious and vol­un­tary agree­ment to en­gage in sexual ac­tiv­ity.” That agreement, the law notes, is “on­go­ing through­out a sex­ual ac­tiv­ity and can be re­voked at any time.”

In response to this news, the Phi Delta Theta chapter at Texas Tech Uni­ver­sity dis­play­ed a ban­ner that said “No Means Yes, Yes Means Anal” for which they were suspended, according to the Wall Street Journal. That’s right… that was actually printed in the Journal. That is not something I expect to read while having a light breakfast in the morning. They obviously realized it was the only thing in that story actually worth reading.

That agreement, the law notes, is “on­go­ing through­out a sex­ual ac­tiv­ity and can be re­voked at any time.”

While that seems absurd, if it gets revoked in the middle of the act, you're obviously doing it wrong.

And this law raises some other questions. What if right as you were about to ‘finish’ she revokes? Pull out? Could she legally defeat you in court? That could be a dirty court hearing. A real sticky situation. Couldn't you claim that you thought she was saying "know"?

This law sounds like a way to turn potential rapists into likely murderers. Don’t the people who wrote this law know that once the train gets going, it can't just be stopped on a whim?

If No really meant No, there would be no such thing as safe words. Case closed. That law is unconstitutional.

Election Day

Why does the Green party even exist? Am I really expected to  support a candidate if they can’t put any more effort into their campaign than this?

That is the official campaign website. The page was created on February 20^th and there has not been a single update since then. And when they created the page, they provided no information about their candidate. The entire campaign appears to be 5 pictures (though that one of him picking up a turtle makes a strong case).

I would wish Brandon Parmer good luck, but I am starting to question whether he even knows he is a candidate for governor of Texas.

Flesh Burger

Using testimonial information from various cannibal sources, a London chef has developed a hamburger that tastes like human flesh. Meanwhile, McDonald’s has been serving a hamburger that tastes like human spit for years.

Political smells

A new study claims that liberals and conservatives smell differently and people are subconsciously attracted to the smells of people with similar political beliefs. Obviously, this study wasn't necessary as we all know that one group smells like scotch and cigars while the other smells like patchouli and B.O. And you know this is true because I don't have to identify which is which.

NFL gets it wrong... again

During Sunday’s post-game press conference, Redskins QB RGIII could be wearing his shirt inside out. The shirt read “Know Jesus, Know Peace,” though the message was apparently not the reason for turning the shirt inside out. It was actually because the shirt was not made by Nike.

Apparently nobody realized that even inside out, the shirt was still not made by Nike.

Terrorists Be Trainin'

Terrorists train constantly. And they are so proud of their training that they like to promote themselves doing it.

Photos don't identify people?

A Pomeranian in Chicago escaped through the backyard and into an alley where it was grabbed by a stranger and ushered away before the dog’s owner could catch up. A short time later the abductor contacted the owner demanding $250 for the dog. The caller even threatened to shoot the owner if she got anyone else involve. Fortunately, the dog's owner did contact police, who helped her get the dog back.

"I just thank God I got my puppy back. When you have a puppy for a long time, a puppy is just like your kid," the dog's owner, a 66-year-old woman who asked that she not be identified, told DNAinfo Chicago.

Accompanying the quote of the owner who wished to remain anonymous:

Sharknado 2 has arrived!

In what is probably the most anticipated sequel since The Hangover Part II, Sharknado 2 is here!  And if it’s half as good as that turd, it will still be twice as good as the original Sharknado (see my original review here).

But let’s not forget what we’re watching here. You can’t go into this expecting The Godfather II. Heck, you can’t even go into this expecting Gremlins 2. Because despite appearing to have absolutely nothing in common, those two movies do share one trait: they were sequels to legitimately good movies. Sharknado 2 is a sequel to a piece of crap.  But what’s endearing about Sharknado was that it knew it was a piece of crap.  Why was it embraced more than other Syfy fare like the equally ridiculous Ghost Shark or Piranhaconda (the sequel to Sharktopus, in case you were wondering)?  Better special effects? More intriguing title?  The superior starpower of Ian Ziering and Tara Reid?  Who knows. Likely the result of a perfect storm (pun intended) involving all of those elements. 

I can’t say I remember much about the original other than it involved sharks swimming through streets and houses and any other place you would normally not see a shark. I do remember Ian Ziering chainsawing himself and another girl to safety from the stomach of a flying shark.

Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as I remember.

So Sharknado 2 begins with Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) on a commercial airliner. The plane gets hit by a shark (I guess this is technically a sharkicane) which knocks an engine off, which then tears a hole in the side of the plane. People are flying out of this gaping hole and the plane is very unstable as evidenced by the extremely shaky cameras, yet Tara Reid’s hair barely moves.  In true Sharknado fashion, the cavernous hole allows sharks into an area where sharks normally shouldn’t be. A few people lose their heads and Tara Reid gets her hand bitten off, making it the second most mutilated part of her body. Fin, the surfing bartender from the original movie, is somehow able to land this huge plane with one engine missing and a giant hole in the side. Somehow, I doubt that's the most ludicrous thing I'm going to see here. Probably the most unbelievable thing in this whole monstrosity is that a character played by Tara Reid wrote a book.

Since at this point in time all storms are apparently assumed to be full of sharks, Fin decides he has to go rescue his splintered family from a Mets game before the river floods and the entire city is overrun with sharks. So, once he gets them out of there, they all head for the most obvious place to steer clear of overflowing rivers and streets filling with water... the subway! A few more people are eaten (one of them inexplicably by an alligator) and suddenly this has become more about spotting the cameos than it is about surviving flying sharks, or whatever I thought it was going to be about. 

A few of the wildly miscast cameos to this point:

Punk rock flight attendant= Kelly Osbourne

Cracked out hippie cop= Andy Dick

Creepy Surgeon= Billy Mays Cyrus (what was with that shoe polished beard?) 

As Sharknado tries to relive some of the familial melodrama that existed in the first movie, there is a scene on the subway reminiscent of the first onscreen pairing of Pacino and DeNiro in Heat. Ian Ziering and Mark McGrath flex some serious acting chops as they ride a subway and discuss dating sisters or something as the threat of sharks raining down on them gives the situation an ominous vibe. Chilling stuff. Speaking of which, wasn’t it just snowing?  Where did all of that go?

In one of the more plausible cameos, Biz Markie shows up as a pizza cook. And Al Roker and Matt Lauer are in this movie more than anyone. It actually feels like I'm watching the Today show and they are occasionally showing Sharknado 2 clips. I mean, I've seen them talk about more stupid things than sharknadoes on the Today show. In fact, any day's Today show would be a worse way to spend two hours than this.

And if instead of taking a shot for every person eaten by a shark, you take one for every cameo, you can get quite drunk.

Jessie Ventura is a prick....


.....now I will be sued for defamation.

Pick Your Poison

How do you like your shots… penicillin or tetanus?

The enigma that is Spirit Airlines

So, I will be flying to Vegas this evening on a Spirit Airlines flight. Not being familiar with this airline, I decided to check the trusty internet to see what I could find out about them. I might as well have Googled the term "Snake Oil." As I read through some reviews, several phrases kept popping up:

• Expect delays
• Nickel & Dime
• Bait & Switch
• Soul Plane

Soul Plane? Yes, I actually saw multiple one-star reviews comparing Spirit to a real life version of the movie Soul Plane. That confused me because that sounds like a good thing.

Apparently the airline is basically just a la carte. They give you a really cheap ticket and then charge you for everything else. Everything. Some of it can get pretty expensive.  $10 if you don't print your own ticket.  $3 for water. $10-$50 to pick your seat. Baggage seems to be the biggest problem. Here's a (helpful?) chart for that:

They actually have a pretty funny video that you can watch that attempts to explain what they are doing. But what really put my mind at ease was running across this:

So, not only will they have drinks, but they will give you discounts the more you purchase at one time. Mixing it up, they call it. Spirit Airlines is alright in my book.

*One member of our group is flying out a day early. I was able to get some early feedback on the Spirit experience. Our conversation after the jump..

Paul McCartney Hospitalized

Paul McCartey fell ill and was hospitalized during his Asian tour, forcing him to cancel some shows in Tokyo. This can obviously be blamed on Yoko Ono.

Carry on.

Pink vs. Black

Tom Ley of Deadspin posted a link to what he called the best comedy and action film of the year.  I wholeheartedly agree that the film has just about everything. However, as good as it is, I still thought it was missing a very important aspect of any great movie… music.  As this TCM special about the 40-year collaboration between Steven Spielberg and John Williams points out, a composer can have just as much impact on a film as a director (and Williams may actually be the true genius behind Spielberg’s films).  Some of the pacing and cinematography in this otherwise exceptional piece of cinema is less than perfect. Music can help mask some of the flaws and keep the story flowing.

Hopefully you will enjoy this as much as I did.

Disturbed

A rapper has apparently cut off his penis and jumped off a building. Unfortunately, it was nobody from the Black Eyed Peas. According to reports Andre Johnson, AKA Christ Bearer of Wu-Tang affiliation, was rushed to the hospital early Wednesday after he cut off his penis and then jumped off a second story balcony in what police believe was a suicide attempt.

This immediately raises a chicken/egg question. Is it more likely that he cut off his penis for some strange reason and then decided with no more penis there is no real reason to live, or did he think that since he has chosen to kill himself that it might be funny to leave a penis behind as some sort of bizarre prank on his roommate (likely RZA, but possibly Ghostface Killah)? That is a question that was already going to keep me up for days, if not weeks. But then Radio.com has to drop this nugget on me:

“There’s also no word on whether or not doctors have attempted to reattach his penis.”

So not only do I now have to wonder about the order in which the decisions of one Christ Bearer occurred prior to him falling penisless from a second story balcony, but now I have to ponder the merits of reattaching his unit.

Scenario 1:
Someone finds Mr. Bearer splattered on the sidewalk around 1am and calls paramedics.  They find that he has cut his penis off but decide that keeping him alive is more important.  The paramedics and doctors work tirelessly to save his life. After a few weeks in a coma, he wakes up to find he is alive. He never planned this. He wanted to die. So now he’s alive with a giant hospital bill staring him in the face.  Oh, and he has no penis.  He’s probably going to be looking for a fourth story balcony in short order, which makes everyone’s work pointless.

Scenario 2:
Doctor’s realize that a man without his crank is not really of use to anyone, so (provided they can locate it), they decide the most important thing to do is to get that penis reattached… STAT! They work meticulously through the early morning hours to ensure that the appendage is seamlessly rejoined only to find out that their patient died two hours earlier from massive head trauma.

So it appears that there aren't too many merits in either saving his life or reattaching his penis. The man was obviously having an identity crisis. We all saw what torment Jan Brady went through, and she was simply the middle of three girls. Imagine what it must be like to be lost in a crowd of 50, 60, or even 100 Wu-Tang members.

Madison Rising

People are saying they performed the worst national anthem ever.

They are obviously just saying that because they hate black people...

...and hillbillies...

Hank the Bigfoot

I guess everyone has seen the ridiculousness/awesomeness of Rick Dyer's Bigfoot tour. I don't know what to think of this nonsense. 800 people showed up to a Sunday show and there were two more sold out shows in Houston the past two nights. Assuming that the other shows will accommodate at least as many people as the first, at $20 a person, that is over $45K this guy has made off of Houstonians who want to look at a paper mache monster. And that doesn't even count any of the merchandise sales.

The guy is providing a service for people who want to pay money to look at a monster, but with his story of luring the beast in with some Walmart ribs and shooting it, is he guilty of some sort of fraud? I say that assuming that the thing is a fake (which it certainly appears to be). In fact, he should hope that it is a fake since if it were real, the charge against him might be murder. After all, this is a humanoid creature he has on display.

I guess the part that is bothering me the most is why this current tour is so successful. Dyer himself was caught amidst a fake Bigfoot scandal less than 10 years. Numerous others have participated in some form of hoax as well. So, why is everyone so eager to see this one?  Is it simply because of the awareness?  I have seen stories about this Bigfoot tour from many different news outlets. Why have they decided to cover this one and essentially help line the pockets of a known huckster? How did he get them to help in his bidding? The power of media is a sight to behold.

The Marius Paradox

A Denmark zoo shot a giraffe in the head, chopped it up in front of a group of children and their parents before feeding it to the zoo's lions because they did not have room for another giraffe. Bengt Holst, director of research and conservation at Copenhagen Zoo, said the giraffe was 2 years old, and while he was not officially named, his keepers had called him Marius to identify him (which is officially what names are for).

Holst declared that the zoo staff saw it as a learning opportunity because zoos have an obligation "not to make nature into a Disney World," but rather show those interested in "the real thing." If that's the case, why not just turn Marius loose in the lion pen? Kids would learn more about nature by watching how a lion takes down a giraffe, rather than watching the Copenhagen zoo's glorified butcher do his work.

Several zoos volunteered to take Marius in, but "it is not possible to transfer the giraffe to another zoo as it will cause inbreeding," Holst said. Apparently because only zoos that follow certain rules can be part of international breeding programs. In Europe, these are members of the European Association of Zoos and Aquaria, and under its rules, inbreeding among giraffes is to be avoided. So, the zoo can only deal with other zoos in its network, but because of that rule they can't let them breed?  So how/why was Marius born in the first place if they knew they didn't have room for him and couldn't move him to one of their other zoos?

Zoo spokesperson, Stenbaek Bro, said his zoo had turned down offers from other ones to take Marius and an offer from a private individual who wanted to buy the giraffe for 500,000 euros ($680,000). He said a significant part of EAZA membership is that the zoos don't own the animals themselves, but govern them, and therefore can't sell them to anyone outside the organization that doesn't follow the same set of rules. This raises the question, if they don't own the animals, what right do they have to kill it?

The EAZA said some institutions that offered to take Marius were ruled out because they did not meet the organization's strict protocols, and the Copenhagen Zoo wouldn't send Marius to an institution with "lesser standards of welfare."

It's odd that they think that killing it would be in the animal's best interests over sending it somewhere without top-notch facilities. If you could ask the giraffe, I'm sure it would have been fine living in a second-rate zoo instead of getting shot in the head and fed to lions for the amusement of some kids.

I don't have any real problem with what happened here. It's just that every explanation seems to either contradict something else the zoo has said, or other logical alternatives. Obviously, the zoo likes to have cute baby animals born on their premises in order to bring in hordes of families and discards them when the newness and cuteness wears off. It seems that the EAZA or Copenhagen Zoo could have done quite a bit of education/conservation/preservation etc. with $680,000. It would also buy quite a bit of beef for their lions.

Naked man tries to eat teen's face

A naked man died after being shot by a Palm Beach County Sheriff’s sergeant when he attacked a former New York City police officer, chased a man and his young son and bit a man on the face. Sheriff Ric Bradshaw said at a Tuesday night news conference that the man later died at a hospital but it wasn’t immediately clear whether he died from gunshot wounds or from a medical condition (like excessive loss of blood or a foreign object lodged in his heart).

“The people that he assaulted, starting with the retired NYPD guy, the people that he chased and then the 18-year-old, said this guy had like super human strength,” the sheriff said.“He was obviously on some kind of narcotics to act like this.”

What is going on with drugs these days?  What happened to just getting high? Now the street drugs turn people into cannibals and kill our celebrities while the needle is still in their arm. And how come when they get high they automatically turn into cannibal zombies? How come you never hear about somebody getting high and getting super-human strength and then lifting a car off somebody in an accident? Why do they have to use their Junkie Superhero status for evil instead of good?

Talk about a left turn

Especially if it’s a freshly made Mexican dinner dripping in grease and smothered in cheese.

Subway has a new enchilada and Frito sandwich. I'll let that sink in for a minute.

I thought their pitch was always about eating healthy. That monstrosity seems like something I would have invented while trying to clean out the refrigerator of leftovers in order to make room for a vodka-filled watermelon. I guess their new angle is the convenience of taking a meal that you would normally have to eat with utensils and stuffing it in some bread so you can eat it with your hands. Next month will be a fettuccine Alfredo sandwich.

Subway Employee:  Welcome to Subway, how can I help you? 

Customer: I want a footlong enchilada and Frito sandwich. 

Subway employee slaps a mound of enchilada slop on a 12” bun and pours a bag of Fritos on top. 

Subway Employee:  Ok, sir, what toppings would you like on it? 

Customer: Meatballs. 

That customer then proudly tells everyone at the office that he had Subway for lunch. 

Sensationalize much?

Federal agents say they have shut down two alleged human smuggling rings.

Cruelty?

William Buchman's Santa Ana neighbors had been complaining for a while about the dreadful smell coming from his home. The neighbors' complaints of the overwhelming stench prompted an investigation by the Department of Animal Services. A raid on the house uncovered the source of the odor... vast numbers of snakes -- some alive, most of them dead and decaying. Mice and rats were also in abundance.

According to the article, the snakes appeared to have not been fed in a while, yet the story said there were also numerous mice and rats in the house. I assume the rodents were intended to be food for the snakes, so why wasn't he feeding them?  He has two types of animals --snakes and rodents-- in his house that any normal person would want out immediately. One of them eats the other, so why on earth would he not allow (or force) that to happen?

But the real issue I have with this story is the guy being arrested. If they had walked into that house and every one of those snakes had its head cut off, there would have been no issue. He could have said they escaped and he feared for his life. I seriously don't think anything would have happened to him.  Even with the story presented as it was, I don't think he should have received more than a citation. Nobody who owns an animal should starve it out, but these are snakes, not dogs or cats (or horses).  I think laws should treat snakes and fish a little differently than other animals.

Every ant in every ant farm ultimately starves to death. Why is it ok for that to happen? Is that different than pouring salt on a slug?  Is that a crime, too? What if I catch a fish and throw it on a river bank and let it suffocate? Is that a criminal act?  Where can I find these laws just so I know what is acceptable and what isn't.

"Just once in college"

Last week, Conner Mertens, a 19-year-old red-shirt freshman kicker for Willamette (Ore.) University football team told his coach that he is bisexual and that he has a boyfriend. And on Monday he  announced it to the rest of the world in the name of helping and inspiring other LGBTI athletes, students, and people like him. According to outsports.com, no college football player in the United States at any level has come out publicly while still playing, until Mertens.

That’s all fine and good, but I have one quibble with Mertens. If he is gay and wants to help other people like him, why is he labeling himself “bisexual?” He is attracted to other men. He has a boyfriend. Why does he need this qualifier?

“Bisexual” seems to be a label that gay people apply to themselves when they are not fully comfortable with being gay. It is simply a more esoteric group and gives the impression that he doesn’t want to be labeled “gay." Why not be all-encompassing and just embrace your gayness? If you are going to make this statement with the “bisexual” safety net, why make it at all? And if he is uncomfortable with being gay, why should the rest of the populace feel any different?

1st Anniversary

One year ago today this site launched to little fanfare. While a few things have changed since then, that little fanfare has remained constant. Over the past year a lot of things have happened in the world, and time and mood permitting, we have attempted to discuss a few of them. More often than not, they really didn’t warrant discussion. So, what was happening on January 31, 2013 that was so important that this little chunk of the interweb was birthed?  Here are a few of them:

·         Egypt’s $1.5 Billion U.S. Aid Questioned Amid Crackdown

·         China’s (Fake) Gay Marriage Debate

·         Subsidies for Saints Owner Open New Orleans to Super Bowl

·         L.A. School District Sued Over Sexual Abuse of Students

·         J.C. Penney Aims to Win Trust With ‘Elsewhere’ Prices

·         AT&T Gave Obama Inaugural $3 Million, Awaits Airwave Sale

·         High Winds Spread Air Travel Delays Throughout the Northeast

·         Are China’s Hackers Preying on Journalist E-Mail Habits?

·         Mobs Wrecked Confederate Capital as Lee Left: Lewis Lapham

·         Ethanol Strengthens to Gasoline as EPA Proposes Targets

·         Las Vegas Sands Rises as Macau Casino Results Beat Forecasts

·         U.S. Auto Sales Seen Rising on Post-Crisis Lease Renewals

·         Hostess Chooses Apollo, Metropoulos as Lead Bidder

·         NFL Sees Modest Revenue Growth as Sponsors Stay Shaky on Economy

·         Biggest IPO Since Facebook Tests Pfizer’s Pigs and Dogs Strategy

·         Cayman Sea Turtles Endure Slaughter, Tourists: Commentary

·         Dells Pledge $50 Million to Build Austin Medical School

·         Sex Impossible for Most Men After Prostate Therapy

·         Dissident Cuban Blogger Gets Passport After Castro Eases Rules

But for some reason I thought I needed to waste your time and mine with this garbage. I hope to continue with more of the same.

Croc Attack!

Police have found evidence that "strongly indicates" a 12-year-old boy who was witnessed being snatched by a crocodile in a remote part of Australia was killed in the attack. Apparently this is news because everyone was expecting that the crocodile had simply taken the boy hostage and would be demanding a ransom.

In a statement, the police said they would not be specifying the “type of evidence located out of respect for the family." So, by dancing around the subject we are left to assume that they have found body parts around the water hole. Or maybe one vital body part. Or maybe a hunter killed a crocodile and when they cut it open they found another crocodile inside, and when they cut that crocodile open they found the boy inside. By not telling what they found, the police leave a lot to the imagination.  They have turned what should be a sad story into a Choose Your Own Adventure. That’s probably more disrespectful to the family than just coming out and saying that the crocodile ate the boy.

And at the end of the article, in a weird “if you enjoyed this story, you’ll also like…” cross promotion, CNN links you to two more Australian wild animal stories:

Australian boy says kangaroo saved him

Coroner rules dingo to blame for Australian baby's death

In a case of life imitating art, all of these stories have parallels to the Hollywood movies Lake Placid, Kangaroo Jack and A Cry in the Dark.

If anyone was offended by today’s entry, let me go ahead and apologize now for referring to Kangaroo Jack as “art.”

I love you so much…

...that I am signing up for a one-way ticket to Mars.

That’s basically what Ken Sullivan has told his wife, Becky. Ken is in a group of a thousand or so finalists for the Mars One project that could send him to the red planet permanently in about 10 years. Ken and Becky have been married five years and have four children, and that has apparently pushed Ken to the limit. He has decided that life on a desolate planet (or perhaps in a space capsule) is preferable to the little slice of heaven he carved out for himself here on Earth.

Obviously, things are a little rocky in this relationship. But Ken is a man of his word who views his wedding vows as a verbal commitment to his partner. They are, in both moral and legal senses, a binding contract. So he is going to ride this rocky patch out and fulfill his commitment to his wife, albeit from a planet 140 million miles away.

His wife is not really on the same page. “The question is do we get divorced now or get divorced later,” Becky told The Salt Lake City Tribune. Way to bail on your marriage at the first sign of a rough patch, especially when she seems to feel like her husband being on Mars wouldn’t be that much different than normal. “He already works out of town, so we’re used to the long-distance thing, but it would be hard when he doesn’t come home after awhile. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t leave my kids, but I’ve spent every day with them, and he doesn’t, so I guess it’s different,” Becky told the Tribune, who Becky seems to think is her own personal marriage counselor.

This will give him the possibility to do something significant with his life. According to Ken, he sees this as a chance to explore, “and the opportunity to do something no one has ever done before, and making a name for myself would be nice to do.” Now you can start to see why Ken is so desperate to get out of Dodge. He has hooked his wagon to a shrill, petty harpy. He woke up one morning and realized he was Witness Protection-era Henry Hill… he gets to live the rest of his life as a schnook. But now he has found his escape.

Godspeed Ken Sullivan.

Excuse me while I pull my hair out

The baseball Hall of Fame is a joke, its election process is a farce, and anyone who tries to defend it is a moron. Now that I have that off my chest, let me attempt to explain why I feel that way.

(Empty your bladder before proceeding)