Word Game

Since I know you will be _______ (adjective) tomorrow evening, I have two _____ (plural noun) for you, neither of which is you not seeing me.”

Now the first thing that has to happen is that you need to pre-plan with ______ (person’s name) that you will leave the office at 7:30 so that everyone else who ______ (transitive verb) me that causes me lots of trouble goes home.

Then you ____ (adjective) sneak back and then in the meantime I quickly sneak over and then we can have a nice little visit for _______ (length of time)  or _______ (length of time). Whatever you want.”

Maybe we could go over and watch a _____ (noun) together and just have kind of, I don¹t know, _____ (plural noun) or something like that.

 And then that way we don’t have to deal with the problem of there being a record of me going upstairs and we can spend some time together and see a good _______ (noun).

I could take my _______ (noun) off and start… well… I know you wouldn't enjoy that? I hope to see you later and I hope you will follow my ________ (noun) and do what I want.

So those are two proposals and you can’t refuse me because I’m too _______ (adjective)  and _______ (adjective)  and soon I won’t be here anymore to _______ (verb) over.

I’m hoping you will hear this and you will choose which one you want to do and go tell _______ (same person’s name) and then she can ______ (verb)  me and let me know so I don¹t have to ______ (verb)  all day and I don¹t have to call her every _______ (length of time) and __­­____ (verb)  her because, I know you will find this very _______ (adjective) to believe, but I can be a _______ (noun)  in the _______ (noun)  sometimes.

I’m very persistent, but I really want to _______ (verb)  you.

Glice?

Tauntin' Bieber

Jerry Sandusky son files request to change name

The son of disgraced former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky has filed papers to have his name changed.

Matt Sandusky filed a formal name change request this week, a little over a year after his father was convicted on 45 counts of sexual abuse. The disgraced former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky was convicted in 2012 of sexually abusing 10 boys in a 15-year period. He is currently serving more than 30 years in prison.

Sandusky’s new name was not immediately known, but sources have indicated the most likely names are:

Chester Rubbentug

Jack Mioff

Pat McRotch

Ben Dover

Harry Johnson

Rubba Rubba

Phil McCrackin

Johnny Stroker

and

Gaylord Ferry

However, most experts believe he will just go with Michael Jackson.

I, Robot

As I was trying to post a comment to an article, I encountered this message:

First off, I don't really like a robot telling me I need to prove that I am not a robot. And apparently typing "Neither of those are words" does not prove that I am not not a robot. Mindlessly typing the characters would not prove anything. Stupid robot. 

Sharknado is here!



View trailer here

FILM REVIEW:
(Please leave your own reviews in the Comments section)


If you want to watch an action movie about man-eating sharks, you can always look to Deep Blue Sea. If you want to see one about tornadoes, there’s Twister. If you want to see a movie that combines the two, then you have some seriously questionable taste. Fortunately for you, so do the programmers at SyFy.

Ian Ziering (Fin) plays a bar owner and surfer as convincingly as he played a high school student at the age of 30 on 90210 twenty years ago. He hasn’t been seen much since then. Not sure what he’s been doing with his time, but it sure didn’t involve acting lessons. And he fake surfs about as well as he fake bartends. But enough about Ziering’s acting, because that’s really not the reason anyone is watching this. They’re watching it because they’re sadists.

Tara Reid, in her best performance since 2005’s Alone in the Dark, plays April, Fin’s ex who will not allow such nonsense as sharks swimming in the streets and falling from the skies to allow him to sneak in an extra custody visit with their daughter Claudia. Because Ziering looks just like he did when he was playing a high school student, and he was arguing over visitation with his daughter, I was surprised when Claudia made her first appearance. Instead of some toddler in pigtails, she looked to be in her early 20’s. Following in daddy’s footsteps for sure. Anyway, lots of heart-wrenching family issues to be dealt with here. It’s very similar to Kramer vs. Kramer, but with tornadoes and sharks!

The screenplay provides a series of uncompromising conversations that involve "This is crazy" and "Do you trust me?" There’s a lot of bad dubbing, poor CGI, shoddy editing and cheap production values. Most annoying is the shooting of scenes outdoors on an obviously beautiful sunny day and then darkening the entire picture so that it (supposedly) looks like the actors are in the middle of a storm. Or maybe it was a technique designed to hide the poor make-up effects of the shark victims. It worked because you couldn’t see a thing. But drop a middle-aged Cousin Oliver (from the final six episodes of The Brady Bunch) in for a brief appearance and it will buy you quite a bit of goodwill.

The film was directed by writer/producer/editor/make-up effects specialist Anthony C. Ferrante, known for such TV movies as Leprechaun’sRevenge and Para-Homeless Activity, who here oversees some of the best visual effects that a month’s worth of sperm bank visits can buy. He is attentive to the nuances and subtleties that a movie about sharks getting chainsawed out of the air has to embrace. The action in Sharknado is in just about the most perfect hands one could imagine. At the end of the film the credits roll just like they did in Gandhi. But also just like they did in Mansquito.

Get Well Soon

Country music icon and notorious wild man Randy Travis is recovering from brain surgery following a stroke that occurred during a hospitalization for heart failure. The surgery reportedly took longer than expected after doctors encountered an inordinate amount of skull during the procedure.

Travis' illness comes as he's been trying to put his life back together following a series of embarrassing public incidents involving alcohol. Travis pleaded guilty to driving while intoxicated in January following two arrests last year. During the first incident he was found sitting in a parked car in a church parking lot with an empty bottle of wine. The second arrest came after he wrecked his car, stripped down to his birthday suit (not necessarily in that order) and walked into a convenience store and attempted to buy cigarettes. He was required to spend at least 30 days at an alcohol treatment facility.

It’s not clear what type of stroke the singer suffered, but the most common type of stroke is caused by a blood clot that travels to the brain. Since alcohol is known to help heart disease by acting as a blood thinner, it is safe to assume that Travis’ health issues are likely a direct result of his recent sobriety. Hopefully Travis will have a speedy recovery and start hitting the bottle with a vengeance. Apparently, his life depends on it.

Happy 4th of July!

Riots?

Sanford officials, including the police chief, are worried that riots and mayhem may break out following the George Zimmerman trial. I think it would be a good idea to ask why they think that. There was no concern about riots as the end of the Jodi Arias trial approached. So, why should there be concern now?

Snakes & Sparklers

Those are the only fireworks allowed.

According to the Item:

     It is prohibited to sell, detonate or in any way use fireworks classified as

     “skyrockets with sticks” or “missiles with fins” in Walker County. All 

     fireworks are prohibited in the Huntsville and New Waverly city limits.

You just eliminated everything good!  Way to lame up a great holiday.

And while you are lighting your cache of the lamest fireworks known to man, here are a few of the safety precautions the paper has decided to share.  This list was obviously put together by someone who has never used fireworks. 

   • Always read and follow label directions.
   • Discharge the fireworks on a flat surface.
   • Never re-light a “dud” firework (wait 15 to 20 minutes and then soak it

        in a bucket of water).
   • Never throw or point fireworks at other people.
   • The shooter should always wear eye protection and never have any part

        of the body over the firework.
   • Light only one firework at a time.

   • Never experiment or make your own fireworks.

If you follow those rules, what is the point of buying fireworks?  Instead of lighting fuses, why not just set your money on fire?  I promise you it is more fun than watching this:

Selective Patriotism

Some celebrities want to protect NSA leaker Edward Snowden from punishment for his leaks and/or espionage. They have signed a petition asking for Ecuadorian President Rafael Correa to grant Snowden asylum as a way of shielding him from President Barack Obama and the U.S. legal system. The crux of their plea reads:

"In Snowden’s case, what he has revealed are actions by the NSA that violate the U.S. Constitution’s Fourth Amendment protections against 'unreasonable searches and seizures.'"

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the petition contains 23,000 signatures so far, including such recognizable names as Oliver Stone, John Cusack, Roseanne Barr and Danny Glover. Yes, Danny Glover… that champion of constitutional amendments. The same Danny Glover who earlier this year said, "I don’t own a gun and definitely not only gun control, we should abolish guns, the personal guns. That’s how far I’m willing to go."

Apparently Danny Glover wants the president of Ecuador to help preserve the 4^thAmendment when he can’t be bothered to defend the 2^nd Amendment. Why should one be held sacred while the other is ignored or discarded? Isn’t he getting too old for this? 

Playing God

The common cold. Cancer. AIDS.  All of that silliness can wait. Science has spent countless hours and untold fortunes in the attempt to address an urgent need and it has finally paid off.  The ability to create Frankenstein monsters is here! An Italian scientist claims to have found a way to perform a human head transplant.

Since the 1950s scientists have been performing head transplants on animals (mostly dogs and monkeys), but they never could find a way to connect the two spinal cords. That really makes the whole procedure kind of pointless. You might as well just keep the head in a jar.

Fortunately for this guy, a scientist by the name of Sergio Canavero has developed a method to connect the spinal cords and attach a head to a new body, and thus eliminate the physical limitations experienced by such tortured souls as Master Blaster and Morris the Moose.

I’m sure that those who dedicate their lives to this sort of research are well-intentioned and see this procedure as a possible solution for those who suffer from debilitating diseases like ALS or spinal muscular atrophy. But we all know that once it is available it is going to be used by people like Oprah so they can finally have the body they have coveted for so long.